Kevin's Random Thoughts

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Another weakness...

The wedding was awesome. It was such an amazing day. I'll talk about it in detail some other time maybe. I have other matters on my mind.

Everyone has weaknesses. Some have more than one. I do. I've been very open in the past about my drinking getting out of control at times, and the things I say or do while drinking. And I'm far from being 'ok' even though I made it public I'm aware of the problem.

But I was another weakness that can potential get me into bigger trouble - women.

I know, I know. You say every man has a weakness for women. Sometimes we just can't help ourselves. My problem is I seriously cannot. If I find someone attractive, I cannot draw that line of what is acceptale or isn't, what is right or wrong.

I've come to realise I'm pretty damn charming (albeit sleazy when the first problem comes in to play), which isn't a problem at all. I guess the problem is the women I attract. I make a horrible first impression, if one at all. So for me to charm a total stranger is almost impossible. So I charm, without even trying, women I already know. Usually someone I felt no need to make an impression on at first. Usually someone I shouldn't.

And it's always innocent to start. But if things do no cease immediately, I continue. I know it's wrong. I know it's inappropriate. But, much like after the first drink, I can't stop. And it goes on and on until finally something is done or something is said that is just too far. And someone is hurt. And I feel guilty. But I do it again the very next time. I don't want to, but I do.

Last night is full of examples. No, I will not share them.

So boys, keep your wives, girlfriends, mothers, sisters, and friends you really care about away from me. And you are right to warn them. Eventually, something will be done or something will be said. And everyone will end up in pain. If I don't trust me, you shouldn't either.

poop
¶ 2:27 AM

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