What the Hell is wrong with me...I can't get motivated to do anything. I can't get myself to go to class very often. I can't get myself to go to the gym. I can't get myself to wake up before noon. The only thing I can get myself to do is go to work, but how long will that last? I eventually couldn't get myself to go to work at Asurion.
I have zero motivation to do anything. I completely lack passion. I want so desperately to have a cause, a goal again. I want to be driven. Yet I'm not driven to be driven. Maybe I need a total change of everything in life. But I can't with school hanging over my head. Yet I can't get myself motivated to finish when I'm so damn close. I feel like I didn't come here to finish school, I came here to hide from the rest of the world.
But I don't want to hide. This is still Kevin. I want to have a good time. I love it when Tubb comes over to watch or talk wrestling. I love it when Randy, my boss, comes up with a reason for a BBQ and drinks. I love coming home and seeing everyone. There's even yet-another-girl who will end up breaking my heart. But I love making the effort anyway.
So it's not as if I've died inside and am waiting for the outside to catch up. I can enjoy myself when I'm with my friends and people I care about. But for the rest of life... there's nothing. I'm not living a full life. I want to have one. But I just can't find the motivation. And I don't know to find it either.
