Uncanny X-Men #160 (Aug 82): Chutes and Ladders!Creative Team: Chris Claremont, script; Brent Anderson, pencils; Bob Wiacek, inks; Tom Orzechowski, letters; Glynis Wein, colors; Louise Jones, editor; Jim Shooter, ed-in-chief
Starting Line Up: Storm, Cyclops (DNA), Nightcrawler, Wolverine, Colossus, Sprite
Synopsis: Something in another time and place is watching the X-Men having a sparing session on Magneto's island. The something calls to Illyana, who is watching the session and she wanders off to find the source. Kitty notices and goes off after her. She follows her into a temple on the island and a disc of light appears below her and she disappears. Storm is still recovering from almost becoming a vampire so they end the session early. They notice the Kitty and Illyana gone, so they go looking for them. Wolverine tracks them to the temple, and they all disappear into the same light discs. Kitty wakes up in a strange place, but immediately finds Nightcrawler. She hugs him, but he starts touching her very inappropriately (we never see in what way) and she freaks out. He's wearing strange clothes, so she figures it can't be the real Nightcrawler, but he insists it is and chases her. She trips and finds herself at the feet of a demonish fellow on a throne calling himself Belasco. Meanwhile, Storm and Colossus are exploring the strange place they are in. Storm is attacked by some strange tentacles but before Colossus can help, a light disc appears and he disappears. Storm somehow takes on the physical properties of the other X-Men (Wolverine's claws, Colossus' armor, Nightcrawler's agility) and defeats the tentacles. Meanwhile, Belasco has Kitty imprisoned in some sort of crystal. He explains his stupid boring mystical origin and plan no one cares about. He also explains that really is Nightcrawler. He twisted him with evil. A demon servant, S'ym, appears and starts using Wolverine's adamantium bones as a toothpick. Belasco then removes Kitty's skeleton from her body (but she remains alive because she's in the crystal). He then gives a pentagram medallion to Illyana. Nightcrawler, the real one, is watching the whole thing. Elsewhere, Storm wakes up naked. She finds some clothes nearby left by a mysterious benefactor who won't speak and is shrouded in a hood. Storm takes off to find the other X-Men. Good Nightcrawler confronts bad Nightcrawler and they both teleport away in battle. Bad Nightcrawler is the one who returns. Elsewhere, Wolverine is exploring the place and finds Colossus remains stuck to the wall, but it's been there for an extremely long time. S'ym shows up and attacks Wolverine. He beats the snot out of Wolverine. Before he can finish him off, a light disc apears and transports Wolverine away. S'ym finally explains them, saying they appear at random and teleport people not just through space but time as well. Colossus shows up (not the remains on the wall, another one) and fights S'ym. Then Wolverine reappears they two fight S'ym. S'ym beats them pretty bad, but a light disc appears and he disappears. Wolverine he explains he was brought back by the myserious shrouded person. Wolverine recognises the person, but before he can get any answers, the person teleports them straigh to Belasco at the same time Storm arrives. Bad Nightcrawler turns out to be Good Nightcralwer in disguise and the three attack Belasco. Belasco runs away. They want to save Kitty, but if they smash the crystal, she'll die without her skeleton. The shrouded figure shows up and it turns out to be Storm... but many years older. Old Storm has magickal powers and returns Kitty's skeleton to her and frees her. Old Storm fights off Belasco while new Storm creates a portal home (?). As they go through, Belasco grabs Illyana by the arm and has a tug of war with Kitty. Kitty loses her for a second, but gets her again. When she pulls her through, she's no longer six and is instead thirteen years old! She's spent the last seven years of her life in Belasco's dimension. Colossus is pretty freaked out by all this, but loves his sister just the same.
Yeah, but is it good? I really don't want to give this piece of crap much time in discussion. It doesn't deserve it. I don't read X-Men to read about magical demons in other dimensions. The time paradox is the worst I've seen in comics, but that's ok because it's MAGICAL. Fuck that. The only thing to come of this is basically a new character in the older Illyana. She'll become fairly important, but not necessairily to the X-Men. She's now a teenager, so her mutant powers will emerge and she also has seven years of magical training under Belasco. And as bad as this issue is (and that's two in a row), it's not the worst X-Men story I've ever read.
Significata: Illyana has is now thirteen years old after spending seven years in Belasco's dimension, learning black magick.
